Thinking there is some external event that is going to make us happy is, in itself, an obstacle to true happiness (maybe a better word for what we’re seeking is life-satisfaction or well-being). Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychologist, wrote an entire book making this point, called "Stumbling on Happiness". He says that we are horrible at predicting what thing or event will make our life happy, primarily because there is no thing or event that will do this in a long-lasting way. As Shauna Shapiro says in the quote to the right, "Happiness is not found through changing our external world, but through changing our internal landscape." NOTE: In the video, I reference research that indicates that lottery winners and paraplegics, a year after their life-changing event, return to their previous levels of happiness, but the truth is more nuanced than that. Dan Gilbert makes the same claim in his video at about 2:54, but then corrects it in the written description for the "TED" version of Dan Gilbert's The surprising science of Happiness (see "3 corrections" in the text below the video).

In the video shown at this meeting, Matthieu Ricard says that we confuse happiness with pleasure, and that any pleasurable experience extended indefinitely soon becomes unpleasant, and true satisfaction in life comes not through events or things but through our relationship with ourselves and with others.

In one of the supplementary videos, Matt Killingsworth describes a fascinating research study he did which suggests that our level of reported happiness is directly related to the degree we are in the present moment, regardless of the type of activity we may be involved in. People reported being happy even while doing something they would have thought of as "unpleasant", like doing a chore or cleaning up a mess, as long as their attention was on the task at hand and not on the past or future, and they reported being unhappy even if involved in something "pleasant", like socializing with friends, if their mind was wandering. His take-away from his research?: "A wandering mind is an unhappy mind."

In Robert Emmon's book, "Thanks - How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier", he cites research which shows that a gratitude practice can actually move a person's "happiness set-point", something psychologists had long thought was a trait, something that is "baked into" our personality and doesn't change over time. Richard Davidson and Daniel Goleman make a similar point in "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body".

   So, how can we achieve inner contentment? There are two methods. One method is to obtain everything that we want and desire - all the money, houses, and cars; the perfect mate; and the perfect body. The Dalai Lama has already pointed out the disadvantage of this approach; if our wants and desires remain unchecked, sooner or later we will run up against something that we want but can't have. The second, and more reliable, method is not to have what we want but rather to want and appreciate what we have. (NOTE from Dave: The Terribly, Tragically Sad Man is a short parable that makes this point in a beautiful way.)
           - from The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler

   When we think that something is going to bring us pleasure, we really don't know what's going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don't know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don't know. We never know if we're going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there's a big disappointment, we don't know if that's the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure. ...Life is like that. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don't know.
           - from When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron

   EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I MEET A PERSON WHO RADIATES JOY. These are people who seem to glow with an inner light. They are kind, tranquil, delighted by small pleasures, and grateful for the large ones. These people are not perfect. They get exhausted and stressed. They make errors in judgment. But they live for others, and not for themselves. They've made unshakable commitments to family, a cause, a community, or a faith. They know why they were put on this earth and derive a deep satisfaction from doing what they have been called to do. Life isn't easy for these people. They've taken on the burdens of others. But they have a serenity about them, a settled resolve. They are interested in you, make you feel cherished and known, and take delight in your good.
   When you meet these people, you realize that joy is not just a feeling, it can be an outlook. There are temporary highs we all get after we win some victory, and then there is also this other kind of permanent joy that animates people who are not obsessed with themselves but have given themselves away.
           - from The Second Mountain by David Brooks

    I’ve gotten over being surprised that my internal life isn’t more smooth and peaceful than it is. I think I imagined, when I began meditating, that I’d become much more tranquil than I am. In the years since I’ve begun teaching Buddhist Concentration and Mindfulness meditations, I’ve often had students ask me how it feels to be peaceful all the time. I am eager to tell them that although I think I am wiser about the decisions that I make, and generally kinder, I am not peaceful all the time. By temperament, I am somewhat dramatic, and personality doesn’t change. I remain a passionate person. What happens in my family and what happens in the world are both important to me. I can’t imagine not being cheered by good news or saddened by bad news. I wouldn’t want it otherwise. I feel alive when I know that I care, that things matter. Although it is true that feeling cheered and saddened need not necessarily upset the mind’s balance, for me—perhaps because I startle easily—they often do.
    Still, I consider my meditation practice a success because of one crucial and definite change in me in the thirty years since I began. I now trust that even when what is happening to me is difficult and my response to it is painful, I will not suffer if I can keep my mind clear enough to keep my heart engaged. I know that my suffering begins whenever my mind, for whatever reason—the enormity or the suddenness of the challenge, its own exhausted state—becomes confused. In its confusion, it seems to forget everything it ever knew. It tells itself stories, alternatively angry (“This isn’t fair!”) or pitiful (“Poor me!”) or frightening (“I can’t stand it if things aren’t different!”). No inner voice of wisdom (“This is what is happening, it’s part of the whole spectrum of painful things that happen to human beings, and you can manage”) can make itself heard to soothe the distress. I continue to suffer, stumbling around in stories of discontent, until I catch myself, and stop, and allow myself to know, and deeply feel, that I am frightened or confused or disappointed or angry or tired or ashamed or sad—that “I’m in pain!” Then my own good heart, out of compassion, takes care of me. It all happens when I am able to say to myself (I honestly do use these very words), “Sweetheart, you are in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let’s pay attention to what is happening. Then we’ll figure out what to do.”
           - from Happiness Is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful LIfe by Sylvia Boorstein

    Back in seventh-century China, the Third Zen Patriarch said that to live "without anxiety about non-perfection" is the key to genuine happiness.  We don’t have to get rid of our shortcomings before we love ourselves.  Seeing non-perfection as part of our shared humanity, we don’t have to take our flaws so personally, although we can take them as a gift to learn from. While granting ourselves forgiveness takes patience, as we practice lovingkindness, we plant the seeds that will flower in their own time.
    Embracing the totality of who we are means having compassion for our difficult-to-accept aspects. What we're doing is pulling out the second dart talked about in Step Four: When we're angry, not getting angry at our anger; when we're afraid, not being afraid of our fear; when we're jealous or petty, not getting caught up in condemning ourselves. Of course you'll make mistakes, but you don't have to throw out the baby with the bathwater. With understanding and compassion, let yourself be just as you are. Forgive yourself as you'd forgive someone else who is trying to do the best they can.
           - from Awakening Joy: 10 Steps to Happiness by James Baraz & Shoshana Alexander

     One of the most satisfying feelings I know – and also one of the most growth-promoting experiences for the other person – comes from my appreciating this individual in the same way that I appreciate a sunset. People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you can let them be. In fact, perhaps the reason we can truly appreciate a sunset is that we cannot control it. When I look at a sunset as I did the other evening, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a little on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color.” I don’t do that. I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.
           - from A Way of Being by Carl Rogers

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying to get the next promotion, complete the next big project.
And then I was dying to retire.
And now, I am dying...
And suddenly realize I forgot to live.
- Anonymous –